They’re trying to put Maury Povich out of business! The trailor parks will be in a joyous uproar!

Now, next to the condoms and lube in your local Rite Aid, you will find home DNA testing kits.

Scandelous possibilities!

As reported by the latest poll, Barack Obama is sneaking up on Hillary and stealing the women’s votes here in PA. Our Democratic primary is nearly here and Hillary realllly needs this win to keep her party nomination breathing. Quinnipiac University, who conducted the survey is saying Clinton’s female supporters have cut to 54 to 41 percent from 54 to 37 percent.

Why can’t they swallow their pride and team up against the Republicans???

WE NEED BOTH OF YOU!

Nearly ten years after Princess Diana’s demise in 1997, after a six-month examination, the coroner jury issued their verdict that the combination of Di’s drunk driver, and the high-speed persuit by the paparazzi caused the crash and the premature death of the late Princess of Wales and her Muslim lova, Dodi Al Fayed.

They explored the 278 witness testimonies and weighed their thoughts for 3 1/2 days to come to this obvious conclusion?

Well, maybe but uh, I still think it was a conspiracy performed by the royal family and England’s secret service. Murder, I say! The Queen is a jealous hag!

Diana’s darling sons, William and Henry, made a statement on the jury’s decision:

“We should like to thank the members of the Jury at the Inquests into the deaths of our mother and Dodi Al Fayed for the thorough way in which they have considered the evidence. We agree with their verdicts, and are both hugely grateful to each and every one of them for the forbearance they have shown in accepting such significant disruption to their lives over the past six months. Both of us are much indebted to the Coroner, Lord Justice Scott Baker, for his unfailing courtesy, and for all the consideration shown by him and his staff not only to us but to all those involved in this hearing. We are particularly grateful to Trevor Rees, and to others who came forward to give evidence – in many cases reawakening their painful and personal memories. Finally, the two of us would like to express our most profound gratitude to all those who fought so desperately to save our mother’s life on that tragic night.”

those poor boys!

Angry Americans including myself are boycotting Swedish-born Absolut vodka after the company released an advertisement, in which the blacksplash is a pre-19th century map of North America, highlighting Arizona, California, and other west coast states as Mexican. A caption read “In An Absolut Word.”

Although the campaign was not for American eyes, the American media has picked up on the campaign after the Vin & Spirit company, who produces Absolut, received a blast of stink from angry American customers.

The company released the statement:

“In no way was this meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues,” a spokeswoman wrote on Absolut’s Web site.

“Instead, it hearkens to a time which the population of Mexico may feel was more ideal,” she wrote.

Absolut’s blog web site has carried thousands of comments criticizing the campaign since it’s debut almost two weeks ago.

If I had not drank it all, I would have poured my vodka stash down the drain.

Russia – here I come. I’ll now me tossing back Stoli with my olives from now on, thank you.

 There’s two neighbors new to a suburban Oregon street.. She’s Nancy, and she is lovely, and his name is Thomas Beatie, and he is pregnant.

The world’s first pregnant man will be open Oprah tomorrow. Thomas Beatie came to fame after writing his story for Advocate magazine in which he discusses being legally male, legally married, a transgender, who, after finding out his wife was unable to have a baby of her own, got sperminated!

Thank God heshe didn’t nip the female reproductive organs! I think it’s beautiful! Families should come in all shapes and sizes! I can’t wait to watch Oprah’s reaction. I hope she doesn’t get all high and mighty but she probably will.

BAKING SODA (sodium bicarbonate): An all-purpose, non-toxic cleaner. Cleans, deodorizes, removes stains and softens fabrics.

BORAX (sodium borate): A natural mineral that kills mold and bacteria. An alternative to bleach, it deodorizes, removes stains and boosts the cleaning power of soap. Please note safety precautions at the bottom of this page.

CASTILE and VEGETABLE OIL BASED SOAPS: Cleans everything

CORNSTARCH: Starches clothes, absorbs oil and grease

HERBS and ESSENTIAL OILS: For disinfecting and fragrance

LEMON JUICE: Cuts through grease and removes perspiration and other stains from clothing. A bleach alternative.

SALT (sodium chloride): An abrasive

TOOTHPASTE A mild abrasive

VINEGAR (acetic acid): Cuts grease, removes stains and is an excellent water softener.

WASHING SODA (sodium carbonate): Cleans clothes, softens water, cuts grease and disinfects. Increases the cleaning power of soap.

This has to be a really bad prank, right?

I mean, it’s not even possible for an ex-president, who served two terms, to be anyone’s vice president.

They coulda shoulda thought of something better than that! Lame!

What if he did though?? Oh my God. The blowjob betrayal would finally be effin’ old news.

Hillary needs to step aside before the Dems become even more divided and set it up for McSame as Bush. Work it out, girl! Yes, I’m backing the black man! I hate that everyone assumes that because I am gay, I will support the woman. 

She will be at my alma mater tonight, campaigning and I won’t be there. I’ll be sitting on my couch watching Kylie shake it on Dancing With The Stars.

Austrialian press is sharing the possibility that the late Hollywood actor, Heath Ledger had a love child at age 17 with an older woman.

Source? Heath’s estranged uncle, Haydn Ledger, of course despite the fact that Ledger’s family respectfully asked that that no one speak publicly about his untimely death.

 Everyone wants a piece of the pie! That’s sick! Why is it that when anyone with a considerable amount of fame dies, “close sources” or even more repulsive, family members come out of the woodwork with deep, dark secrets?

Haydn Ledger also reported that Heath’s one-time lover, and her 11 year old daughter who may or not be Heath’s offspring, will be taking DNA tests as requested by the cougar’s current live-in boyfriend.

If these claims are true, poor two year old Matilda will have to split Daddy’s millions with big sis!